Empathy

Getting into other’s shoes is how usually EMPATHY is defined as. But is it only about getting into other’s shoes? And how do get in to other’s shoes? Is it that simple?

Empathy is about connecting with what it’s like to be someone else. In order to empathize with someone, you need to pay attention to them and really listen to them.

While researching I observed that different people have defined empathy in their own way, which opens different discussion point regarding this topic. KarlaMcLaren defined Empathy as, “A social and emotional skill that helps us feel and understand the emotions circumstances, intentions, thoughts and needs of others, such that we can offer sensitive perspective, appropriate communication and support”. Whereas Daniel Kieran says, “Empathy is to sincerely and accurately feel value and reflect the specific emotions of another person.”

While analyzing these and several other definitions EMOTION was found common between all of them. To understand the emotions of others, it is important to be empathetic.  In order to feel, value and reflect the emotions of other, it is critically important to understand our own emotions first.

One must have ability to listen to one’s own inner experiences. Regulating the attention and focusing on the inner, mental and physical events in the present moment and ability to name it defines “Empathy towards Self”. However, empathy towards others is about getting aware of the fact that every individual has their own view point and knowing that our own perspective is not universe. Understanding the perspective of others from focusing the attention of difference between self and others can lead us to create empathic relation between two people.

Let’s recall the announcement made by the cabin crew before the aircraft takes-off. They say “At the time of emergency wear your own oxygen masks before helping others”. It means you will be able to help others only if you yourself are safe. Empathizing with self is about listening to self, it’s about connecting with what’s alive in you, turning your attention inward to see what is going on for you.  Self-empathy is particularly helpful when you are experiencing some sort of discomfort. It is the way to stay connected with yourself when your tendency is to avoid or distract. Once we start empathizing with self, valuing our emotions, it will become easier for us to understand other’s perspective. There can be multiple routes to achieve Self-Empathy, it can be through spiritual, scientific or even practical ways for that matter. It completely depends upon an individual’s belief system on selecting the methodologies recommended.

It has been observed that mostly people connect empathy with sorrow only. However, it is about understanding and sharing the feeling irrespective of emotions attached to it. It means you can feel and reflect happiness, when others share their happy moments/ incidents with you. Similarly, if you reflect care while a sad moment is shared with you, it would be considered as Empathic behavior.

Let’s understand what happens when we empathize with people. By sharing our feelings, we express that we value the person and the issues surrounding them. It enhances the relations between people and the communication becomes better and open. The studies have shown that empathy is a skill that can be developed no matter where you are on the empathic continuum.

Our words express our true feeling about a particular situation; hence we should be very conscious about the words we use. One may express in multiple ways but what matters is how it is perceived by others.

Does knowing all these facts about empathy make us an empathetic person? The answer is No!! Until we don’t start practicing empathy, we cannot behave empathically with others. Following are few suggestions which can guide a person to be Empathic:

• ·         Start seeing things from other’s point of view: It not always happens that a person is rude or stubborn all the time; it could be that s/he is reacting to a situation with the amount of knowledge and experience they have!
• ·         Validate other Person’s Perspective: Once you start seeing things with a perspective, “what other person believe, is what they believe”, just acknowledge it! Acknowledgment does not always mean agreement. You can accept that people may have different opinion and that they may have good reasons to hold those viewpoints. 
• ·         Check your Attitude: Are you more concerned with proving your own viewpoint right or is it your priority to find solutions mutually, and build relationships with others and accept them the way they are! Without an open mind and attitude, one won’t have enough room for empathy.
• ·         Listen: listen to the entire message the other person is trying to communicate. Listen with your eyes what is being said! How other person’s whole body is reacting to the situation! What tone is being used! Listen with your heart what you think the other person feels!
• ·         Ask: when you are in doubt ask the person to explain his or her position. This is the simplest way to understand the other person’s perspective but rarely used.

Developing an empathic approach is perhaps the most significant effort one can make toward improving your people skills. When you understand others, they'll probably want to understand you and this is how one can build beautiful relationships.

I want to conclude by saying before empathizing with others, empathize with yourself; conscious efforts will help you improve your professional as well as personal relationship with people around you. Empathy in long run can prove to be a driver to your success.